I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
