I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
