I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
