My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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