so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
