In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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