he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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