even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
