apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i will never coherently bang her
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She needs sedatives and a leash
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
