This is not my ceiling
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
