3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
