I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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