so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
