I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
