The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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