Got a toothbrush?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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