we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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