Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
