if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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