i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
