My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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