hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I want is dick and wine.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
