I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
