I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You took a bar mat shot.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
