i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
