You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
