I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
