I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
