it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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