I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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