dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
