girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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