when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He passed out mid-signature
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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