You're completely useless in the revolution.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
