i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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