How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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