Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
