I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
