talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
