Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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