I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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