just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
