i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
