I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
