mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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