Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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