I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
