i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
