is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
