We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
