I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
