First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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